Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
