My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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