I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
