I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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