is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
