Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
