omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
