So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
