She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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