...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
