I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
