I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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