i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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