Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
