I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
