and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
