Pants 0. Shit 1.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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