He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
