Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Be still, my beating vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
