I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
