Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
