Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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