Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Vodka?
Forever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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