i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
