every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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