A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
