dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
