2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
