Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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