My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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