In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
