I wish I could teleport
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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