break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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