The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
