I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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