I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
