You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
