Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
