I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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