i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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