he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
