there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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