that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
