you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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