I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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