Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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