I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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