the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
