the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
