How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
